Christmas time is so bittersweet...

My Mum and Dad made Christmas SO special when we were growing up. No matter if Dad was laid off around the Christmas season or times were tough, Joanne and I always got what we asked for from Santa.

I remember years when our family room was FULL of gifts...like can't walk because the room was so full full. Amazing.

We didn't have family to celebrate with...our entire extended family was back home in England, but Mum and Dad always took us to good friends' houses and made up for the emptiness that being alone in a country 3,000 miles from home can bring.

Joanne and I would watch all the Christmas specials on TV...Frosty, Rudolph, The Misfit Toys, A Christmas Carol, etc. etc. etc. We just loved Christmas. And that love for Christmas carried into our adulthood. Joanne LOVED to cook and entertain. She loved watching our kids open their gifts. Christmas became about out kids and no longer about us and we both loved every moment of it.

So, this is the time of year when I miss Joanne and Dad the most. They both had such a love for the whole Christmas idea and they really made it a special time. Now that they are gone, although we still love Christmas and celebrate the same way, their emptiness is so very real. The void they left is still so huge. Christmas will never, ever be the same again now that they are gone. Our celebration is quieter, more low-key. My boys don't get to see the love that Joanne and Dad had for this time of year.

So, as much as I still love Christmas, I also dread the pain that comes with it. :o(

Joanne Junior

We spent the evening at my Mum's tonight to celebrate her birthday. Mark and Patricia brought their clan down too and we had a lovely evening together.

All the kids were downstairs at one point and C, my oldest niece, was chatting to me from across the family room. My GOODNESS she was Joanne all over again for a moment. Her mannerisms, her smile, her voice, her laugh...she is ALL her mother. I got all overwhelmed and went over to hug and kiss her. I hugged her so tight that she spilled her bottle of water, but I just couldn't help it. I told her how much she was like her Mum and she smiled...Joanne's smile. I think she likes that she is like her Mum...

and I like that.